Responsibility

Every now and then, waves of panic about what is to come wash over me. Will I be a good mom? Will I feed my kid the right things? Will he love me? Will he grow up to be a good man? Will I raise him right? It's a scary feeling knowing that I will play a huge role in how my little guy turns out. Tim and I have talks on discipline and how we are going to deal with certain issues when they arise... Boy! Talk about responsibility!

Lately I've been thinking a whole lot about what kids absorb when they watch their parents. I watch, at the library, how some parents set good AND bad examples for their kids and I get to see the kids reflect that sometimes. The other day, there was an incident at work where a 4 yr. old kid said "Shut the f*** up" to another kid, and that completely broke my heart! This 4 yr. old obviously witnessed a fight (maybe between her parents?) and knew that this was a phrase that you use in anger that gets a reaction. Wow. And when we informed the mom about what her daughter said, her mom just said, in a nonchalant way, that her daughter doesn't act like that at home. Well someone does! How else would a 4 yr. old pick that up? Who is she modeling? Scary.

I know that there are no perfect parents in the world. I know that it is so hard to remember that your kids are watching you and they are learning behavior patterns from you, especially when you display lots of emotion! I hope I can be a good model for my little boy. I hope I can remember that he's watching me when I drive and get road rage... when I get mad at stupid people... when I watch TV... when I talk to my husband. What a gig this parenting thing turned out to be!